its december

the first term of my 4th year at york is done.
i can't believe i'm 22, i honestly thought i wouldn't live past 18.

and suprisingly i'm still having the same problems i had when i was 16. i guess nothing really changes.
i've recently suffered my heart being ripped out of my body and placed in front of me as a spectacle. aka. a boy broke my heart. i know your sitting there, like what else is new.

but its new to me. i haven't loved someone since my last serious relationship. and its a very big deal to tell someone you love them.
however, its horrible when they tell you they love you after the thought of losing you and you yelling at them. but meh. at least you know.
love was easy and horrible at 16 and i guess its even worse at 22 because i thought i'd have it all figured out by now.
i clearly have not.
i still fall in love with men that could never possibly love me or even if they did, not in the way that they should.

so for now as always, must go through the period of saying men suck until the next fine thing walks by that catches my attention. i'll sit and concentrate on work. i work so hard and work long hours to avoid my mind. i have no idea how to relax.
i enjoy being consumed.