Elaine's apartment

So I'm sitting by myself in Elaine's apartment and I think how about i go check my email. I notice Elaine's blog and think to myself, "I wonder if my blog still exists." Sure enough here it still is outside in cyberspace.

I can't read my previous posts of myself two years younger. I sound like a whining little brat. I hope I've matured with age.

Whats changed in life. On Saturday my brother is getting married. I guess for some people that is a major shift in life. For our family we kind of keep to ourselves anyway so not really a shift in interrelating our lives further. But it shall be a nice party. I went to the church today to watch the wedding rehearsal and I guess that was the first time I thought, "Holy crap my brother is getting married." I guess I'm now excited for the big event. I came home tonight for a dinner with the familia and the imported aunt's and uncles from afar.

One of my last blogs exclaimed that I'm shocked I'm 22, well 24 has come and gone. Yes, I have lived past 18. Life gets better with age.

Perhaps its just better post-education. I'd hate to be one of those people that think their university years were the best time of their life. Yes they were reckless I won't forget that but its kind of nice having some of those years behind you in the finding your place in the world. Don't get me wrong, I mostly know nothing about whats going on but I'm old enough now to not be so scared of it all.

I don't really have anything to write about my life though there's probably plenty but shucks, "I found my old blog!"

random updates

eli has informed me it has been ages since i updated my blog.

updates to now?
none. perhaps that is why i have nothing to update.

amy's birthday passed recently and she delighted us with a feast at her significant other's home. It was delicious. i enjoyed the little pizza we never thought would turn out, but i think perhaps they were the biggest hit.

i've been mindlessly enjoying my work at td, working too many hours than i should and not doing my course readings. this is what happens when you have essays and not small assignments.

i've also made the conscious decision to having my personal life be non existent till i accomplish some life goals. ie. get grown up job and move away.

i can't wait till the end of summer where i can take a trip.

where should i go. i'd like somewhere warm where i don't have to do any shopping. only taking pictures of me smiling and tanned.

its december

the first term of my 4th year at york is done.
i can't believe i'm 22, i honestly thought i wouldn't live past 18.

and suprisingly i'm still having the same problems i had when i was 16. i guess nothing really changes.
i've recently suffered my heart being ripped out of my body and placed in front of me as a spectacle. aka. a boy broke my heart. i know your sitting there, like what else is new.

but its new to me. i haven't loved someone since my last serious relationship. and its a very big deal to tell someone you love them.
however, its horrible when they tell you they love you after the thought of losing you and you yelling at them. but meh. at least you know.
love was easy and horrible at 16 and i guess its even worse at 22 because i thought i'd have it all figured out by now.
i clearly have not.
i still fall in love with men that could never possibly love me or even if they did, not in the way that they should.

so for now as always, must go through the period of saying men suck until the next fine thing walks by that catches my attention. i'll sit and concentrate on work. i work so hard and work long hours to avoid my mind. i have no idea how to relax.
i enjoy being consumed.

it has officially reached the point where i believe i'm invisible.
so one of two dreaded days of the year just passed aka. my b day.
i think b days are a test of how much people love you. which i hate because its never a great result. lol.
especailly when your parents forget your b day. people can't show up to your party and its been a week and you have yet to receive a thoughtful gift that isn't money.
not that i'm being a whiny little brat or anything...
the idea of being thoughtful has totally escaped humanity.

lifehouse

marisa, myself, and yvonne saw lifehouse on weds. always great to see them. wish i could take them home in a little box.
aka. a cd but i keep losing them!

its sad when you meet a great man but you don't get to have a fair shot.
back to my regular routine of avoiding the world and instead pouring all my available time out of school and work on reading and doing my work for class.
gosh i need a break.
i want to pick up and leave my slump.
why can't we just skip withdrawal.

i'm sitting in tel right now and there are three guys sitting beside me. they asked me to watch their stuff while they go smoke a joint. lol.
only at york.